I look around me

Day 6: Describe/fictionalize a feeling

I look around me

Interactions, distractions,
protractions of gross companionship:
hugs and cuddles, holding hands,
an innocuous peck of affection
on the cheek of sober society

Am I an outlier?
Forever meant to be an onlooker
and not a partaker
of the tactile world around me
Am I selfish?
If I don’t want friends
for emotional purposes
but just for recreation
Am I asocial?
If I avoid social contact but not social strife
my actions, my words
tweaked and adjusted
to fit the conventional rules
without the Dickinson-ian world in my head
Am I arrogant?
If I don’t greet every soul I pass
in fleeting salutations
dictated by social order
that are never meant to last
Am I weird?
If I keep to myself
and forge friendships for
bare subsistence
not companionship
Am I an introvert?
If I prefer my company
to that of others’
solely because the thought of
being friendly is just an imitation
without the complementary flattery

Yes, I look around me

And find myself alone
among a sea of contenders
trying to earn friendships, favours,
gratification, solace
and a false sense of need

I look around me again

I smile; the smile never touches my eyes
I laugh; the laugh never bubbles and flows
I wave; as if by need not want
I hug; as if by custom not need

You can catch glimpses of the real me
you can enjoy the slips and fumbles
you can wheedle out secrets and feelings;
but I would never be as raw
as my art

 

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